Tuesday, April 27, 2010

For a friend...

You are beautiful inside and out... give your all to those around you and have the most contagious laugh!  Anyone is lucky to be your friend including me.  Don't let the trials of the present forget how much you have, and how blessed we are.  Anyone who will walk away from your friendship or love doesn't recognize how fabulous you are in the first place.  I am so thankful God brought you into my life, and me into yours maybe when you needed it... here is a quote that got me through a rough time and made me see how blessed I really was even in the midst of heartbreak.

"I used to think that life was hills and valleys. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, & at all times you have something good & something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on, & no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for."

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Heart Chords

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid, when you give yourself away.  People never crumble in a day.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Exercising the body, heart, and soul...

It's been a busy wonderful couple of days... finally got back in the pool Friday morning at 6am.  Scott is doing the Alcatraz triathlon next weekend so went and swam with him!  Felt great to get back in the pool, even if it was at 6am.  Learned about the Alcatraz triathlon and looked at the ironman distances again,  it's just amazing what people can push themselves to do when they are motivated... 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike and a marathon (26.2 mile) run.  Right now I'm working on completing the International/ Olympic distance this year! (1 mile swim, 24 mile bike, 6.2 mile run).  I can do all those distances right now just need to practice brick workouts and time.  Also still need to get used to my bike! The gears sound a little weird on it so going to get the ironman to take a look.  So after 6am swim Friday participated in the always invigorating 2 hour spin class with Brad and Jenn.  If you want a good workout go to spin class!  Although I wouldn't recommend a 2 hour spin class for your first one you may throw up or pass out. ;) ps just got back from swimming again Saturday night! Love having a training partner well really he is training and I'm just swimming (until I sign up for a tri!)

 This morning did the Angels Among Us 5k with a group of friends to raise money and support Brain Cancer.  Put in the link so you can check it out.  The picture to the left is one of the little girls the run was in honor of.  It was a gorgeous run through Duke Gardens for a good cause so I couldn't complain about waking my butt up at 6:30am for it!  I'm finding the most gratifying experiences you can have are those you made a conscious effort and had to actually sacrifice something of yourself to do.  It's so easy to make excuses, I have laundry, I'm tired but if you actually get your butt up and do it you feel ten times better than you did before.  Still tired but you just think how much worse someone else has it and you took your time to help them out and ease that -- even if only a fraction and you just feel better in your heart and soul.  I have come to think of it as exercising your heart/ soul... sometimes it's hard to think of the things other people go through because you feel out of control and that you can't really help.  But you can, by prayer and just doing something little.  I need to open up my heart to those things more, and do more of these events and really think about what it is for... exercise my heart.  I don't want to be blind to the struggles of others.  I don't want to feel nothing and disconnected when I hear about someone's pain.  I feel like in our world we have become numb to pain, barely taking a second to think (and feel) what it would be like to be in that person's situation. 

After Angels Among Us then went over to Habitat for Humanity (yeah yeah overachiever) to help paint and spackle the inside of one of the houses.  Here is some info about the awesome new homeowner Pei-Shuan.  Pei-Shuan Murillo is a single mother of three: Quebin is 11 (June 15 birthday), Luz-Clarita is 5 (January 4 birthday), and Selena is 4 (October 15 birthday). She is from Taiwan and has been a citizen of the US since 2005. She is employed with the City of Durham in the Water Management Department. Hopefully this house will help her and her kids out!  While it isn't the most glamorous thing, I love that we actually use our hands to build something tangible that makes a difference.  Somthing someone will live in!! I've always wanted to do Habitat but never made the time... so here I am making the time a little more exhausted at the end of the day but at least I will take a nap with a smile on my face (and paint dried in my hair.)  Sorry if this is a little run on I really am pretty tired after this morning!  Til next time...... 

Love God. Love One Another. Love Our World.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Everybody get's knocked down, how quick are you gonna get up?

Another great weekend and week... Ran a 10k to raise money for Habitat for Humanity (finished 5th in my age group), and just got done with my soccer game after bible study!  I love my small group ladies and my soccer team.  I feel more alive in my heart, soul, and body after hearing everyone's encouraging stories and then busting butt on the soccer field.

Something about defending a guy twice my size, getting straight run over, losing a few brain cells with a hard head knock to the ground, and jumping back up for more... I feel so blessed to be able to be active.  Thank you God.  It's late so that's all for now.  I will catch up when soon!

P.S. Praying for all the prayer requests heard in Bstud and everyone else on my heart.  Hope everyone is doing better.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My first real ride on the new bike!

Went riding outside with my new tribike! Can I just say I LOVE my bike!! I've always been an electronic nerd and collector of movies but I've officially tapped into my fitness junky side with my new bike!  Brad and I rode all through Tob trail, ate a few bugs near the Durham Bulls stadium, and watched each other fall and embarrass ourselves! whoops (I swear my fall was more graceful than his.)  Next up officially starting triathlon training... maybe I can get a sprint in before I leave for italy!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

There's something about a good quote...

"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten your day even if she couldn't brighten her own."

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Live sufficiently... Give Extravagantly

There are so many things I have on my mind that I could post anything from the medicinal purposes of dark chocolate and red wine to triathlon training schedule to the amount of good people that have come into my life recently.  However today is the Sabbath.  Sabbath is generally a weekly day of rest and/or time of worship (thanks wikipedia).  In small group we discussed how our culture and society doesn't take the time to reflect and have that day of the week for just rest and reflection.  Going to church just becomes another activity in our list of things to do on Sunday... Church check, brunch check, laundry check...  We hear a sermon, feel the heart prick, and then go on with the rest of our busy day.  But do we take time to reflect on what was said?  Do we really think what it means in my own life and bring it beyond just a pastor's sermon. Do we take action that could positively influence our own lives or others?  I know I don't reflect enough on what I've learned Sunday mornings from JD, and Tuesday nights with the wonderful women in my small group.  So this is my first step to being intentional, to direct my mind on the things I've learned with my mind and felt with my heart. Then figure out what God is trying to show me to do with my own life...

There's many things I could think about more, I mean who am I kidding people go to Seminary to study their whole lives, but for now I will take one common theme that has struck me today and the last few months "Live Sufficiently, Give Extravagantly."  I know the first thing that comes to mind when I heard that phrase was live within your means and give to the church right?  That's about as deep as it goes for most people.  Throw in your pocket change into the offering basket/ bowl/ plastic tub and "give."  To an extent I do think it means that and let's face it it does take money for the church to function and to fund projects to help the community.  I gave my money to the believe project today and need to give more throughout the year.  However I've starting thinking there is much more to give extravagantly.  

As I've written before I've always been independent and self motivated.  Sometimes to the point where I was a loner.  I really didn't need anyone or anything to be successful in today's standards.  I could go along doing my thing, living my life, only relying on myself and needing me... but what kind of life is that.  I've always wanted people in my life, wanted friends and that connection like most people- but lately I feel like even that isn't enough.  I'm feeling that tug something pushing me again, like there is something more I should be doing but I just don't know what.  So here I am again at give extravagantly... for a while now I've wanted to do more, give more, do some good in other's lives and make a difference.  How can I do this?

I'm not a nurse or a doctor, I sit in front of a computer all day how can I give every day?  Lately I've seen it is just making that extra effort to listen to a friend.  To see that someone may be going through something and ask.  It's funny how easy it really is to connect with one another once we take a minute to really have a real conversation.  I used to not want to overstep my bounds and was more of a private person, but I think it helps to share your story with each other.  The more I have shared and then really listened to the real things that are going on in a friends or even a stranger's life the more it seems we have given to each other.  Given "extravagantly" compared to what we normally do.  Normally we ask superficial questions and have glossed over conversations, really giving nothing of our hearts and energy to the other person.  So Give Extravagantly... give of my heart, time, and energy in every conversation.  Really listen and don't shy away from the tough conversations because they aren't convenient or intimidating to start.

I also want to actively reach out to my community... I've been blessed to have a wonderful family and plenty of money and things growing up with both parents being teachers.  I want to be see the needs in my community and beyond- not shy away from it... be shocked and unsettled.  Friends who have traveled have shared their feelings and experiences saying it changes your whole perspective once you see the extent of the needs and struggles of others.  I haven't had the opportunity to experience that but with Summit there is outreach and I know if I look there are opportunities... I just pray to not be selfish with my time and energy and give and get involved.  It's so easy to not take that 5 minutes to sign up to help or to say I'm too busy.  But I could never be too busy to gain a new perspective, to give to a cause or people who really need it after I've been blessed with so much.  Since I am writing it here this is a way of holding myself accountable.  I will update on what I do... serverdu is coming up now I just need to take the 5 minutes and sign up and GIVE.... There are other ways to give extravagantly but for now my brain is half asleep.  Goodnight

Friday, April 9, 2010

Music is what feelings sound like.

This is a song I love by Fireflight been really into them lately... Reminds me of Evanescence or Paramore! Great to run or workout to -- I'm a rocker chic at heart. Enjoy! 

I've got this passion 
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive

I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace
(I've found grace)

If only You come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before I change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars

Funny how words can't explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome

I know I stumble
I know I still face defeat
This second chance is
What will define me

So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(got someone saving me)

If only You come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before I change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars

Funny how words cant explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome

I make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me

If only You could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before I change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars

Funny how words cant explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A little about my past...

A lot of things have shaped me growing up... my wonderful family, self-motivation, finding God and Him continuing to shape my life through various experiences.  I believe we go through everything for a reason and people are brought into our lives for God to teach us something about ourselves and about Him.  To shape us to do his work and to hopefully come out on top and be a light to those around us going through the same/ different things.  At Summit, JD said we are a Mosaic, we each go through different hardships and experiences and need each other to complete the full picture of what God is doing and make ourselves complete.  This is something I've thought about a great deal lately and so have decided to share...

I went through a bad relationship where I wanted to believe this person was good.  I now see I put this person before God, family, and friends even though God tried to show me time and again through this man's actions how I needed to let it go.  I was lied to, cheated on for months, emotionally worn down, and made to doubt my own integrity.  There was at one point I was convinced that I was "narrow-minded" for believing that honesty and truth is always the way to go.

So that is my recent past, but I finally have let that stage in my life go.  Once I let it go everything seemed easier... I still struggle and get angry at myself for putting those who really cared for me on the backburner.  For those of you reading this I truly am sorry.  I used to get angry and frustrated at him for being dishonest to the people in his life, but I have learned it is not my battle.  I have to put it in God's hands.  The hardest thing to do is let go control and trust God-- it is something I struggle with every day but I know I can do it with this and every other obstacle in my life.  Because I have Him and soo many wonderful friends and family.  I'm blessed and now more than ever I want to be more of a blessing to others.

That brings me to today... I have always felt blessed with a great family, good health, and a self-motivation that is unrelenting.  I like to see the good in people as is shown from my quote I have as the signature to all my personal emails:
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." 
The things I have gone through within the last two years have taught me a lot about helping others, but also knowing when it is not your battle.  I've seen first hand the bad that can take over someone's life if they let it.   However my optimism and "tenderheartedness" as my friend Beth says has not changed, nor will I let any other obstacles that come change that.  I always want to see the good in people, always strive to speak my truth, and behave in ways that in harmony with what I believe, no matter what someone says.  I have had a few great people come into my life recently, which I thank God for every day.  I feel inspired to help others, reach out to God more, and want to be braver about my faith. Right now I feel as if I'm waiting for something.  I pray to God to lead me as he sees fit and help me be a light in wherever my life will go.

I promise my future posts won't be this heavy but before you begin the adventure you need a little character development right!

First blog...

I've noticed a few of my friends have started a blog. And while I doubt anyone is highly interesting in what I have to say I thought it would be a good way to write down my thoughts and feelings now and again and share any quotes or music that touches me... Hope you enjoy.