Thursday, April 8, 2010

A little about my past...

A lot of things have shaped me growing up... my wonderful family, self-motivation, finding God and Him continuing to shape my life through various experiences.  I believe we go through everything for a reason and people are brought into our lives for God to teach us something about ourselves and about Him.  To shape us to do his work and to hopefully come out on top and be a light to those around us going through the same/ different things.  At Summit, JD said we are a Mosaic, we each go through different hardships and experiences and need each other to complete the full picture of what God is doing and make ourselves complete.  This is something I've thought about a great deal lately and so have decided to share...

I went through a bad relationship where I wanted to believe this person was good.  I now see I put this person before God, family, and friends even though God tried to show me time and again through this man's actions how I needed to let it go.  I was lied to, cheated on for months, emotionally worn down, and made to doubt my own integrity.  There was at one point I was convinced that I was "narrow-minded" for believing that honesty and truth is always the way to go.

So that is my recent past, but I finally have let that stage in my life go.  Once I let it go everything seemed easier... I still struggle and get angry at myself for putting those who really cared for me on the backburner.  For those of you reading this I truly am sorry.  I used to get angry and frustrated at him for being dishonest to the people in his life, but I have learned it is not my battle.  I have to put it in God's hands.  The hardest thing to do is let go control and trust God-- it is something I struggle with every day but I know I can do it with this and every other obstacle in my life.  Because I have Him and soo many wonderful friends and family.  I'm blessed and now more than ever I want to be more of a blessing to others.

That brings me to today... I have always felt blessed with a great family, good health, and a self-motivation that is unrelenting.  I like to see the good in people as is shown from my quote I have as the signature to all my personal emails:
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." 
The things I have gone through within the last two years have taught me a lot about helping others, but also knowing when it is not your battle.  I've seen first hand the bad that can take over someone's life if they let it.   However my optimism and "tenderheartedness" as my friend Beth says has not changed, nor will I let any other obstacles that come change that.  I always want to see the good in people, always strive to speak my truth, and behave in ways that in harmony with what I believe, no matter what someone says.  I have had a few great people come into my life recently, which I thank God for every day.  I feel inspired to help others, reach out to God more, and want to be braver about my faith. Right now I feel as if I'm waiting for something.  I pray to God to lead me as he sees fit and help me be a light in wherever my life will go.

I promise my future posts won't be this heavy but before you begin the adventure you need a little character development right!


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